Put What Where?: Over 2,000 Years of Bizarre Sex Advice

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Ovulation Fluttering In Stomach

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Every era has had its Dr Ruths and Joy of Sexes, mining a highly lucrative business from declaring the right way, the right place, the essential time, the correct shape, the perfect partner and, of course, the ultimate naughtiness. If self-appointed sexperts have one thing in common, it's a special strain of eccentricity. In the absence of any real medical knowledge or scientific evidence! They then garnished it all with their unique blend of homespun wisdom, ingrained prejudice and deep, deep personal strangeness.

This book maps the incredible history of sex advice from the beginnings to the s, and our modern era of apparent enlightenment. But then, all eras thought they knew the answer. Every era thought it had reinvented sex. John Naish mines all of these sources for a fantastically funny and illuminating read. Very good condition. There is of course no charge for shipping if you collect this book from my shop in Palmerston North following the auction.

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Firearms licence. His speechless yearning foretells his pleasure. Lucretius recommends that you try your best to avoid all this. Thrust from you anything that might feed your passion, and turn your mind elsewhere. Ejaculate the build-up of seed promiscuously and do not hold on to it — by clinging to it you assure yourself the certainty of heartsickness and pain Do not think that by avoiding romantic love you are missing the delights of sex. No, you are reaping the sort of profits that carry with them no penalty.

The Roman period also brought us the first example of a sex-manual martyr. Poor old Ovid aka Publius Ovidius Naso is only the first of a long line of authors whose sullied reputations, trashed careers and broken lives litter the pages of this book. Ovid was born in 43 BC in Sulmo — modern-day Sulmona in central Italy — and studied in Athens before moving to Rome where he dutifully worked his way up to a decent civil service job.

He then decided on a radical career move into the world of art and became a full-time poet. The gamble paid off handsomely and his writing and wit soon won him imperial fame and fortune. But at the age of 40 he made a rather less popular move, by treating his Roman readers to a pornographic poem. By skill, swift ships are sailed and rowed, by skill nimble chariots are driven: by skill must love be guided.

The verses mortally offended the somewhat strait-laced Emperor Augustus. The poem, along with another, undisclosed error, got him banished to the freezing cold, primitive town of Tomis on the Black Sea.

I must keep silent. Ovid died in exile eight years later, in AD The persecution of his saucy poem did not, however, stop there. The Affairs of the Heart is effectively the inner monologue of a bi-curious male.

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Written by Lucien or very possibly someone doing a rough imitation of his work around AD 4, it records the disputes between a straight philanderer and a gay pederast over whose sex life is more honest and pleasurable. The straight guy wins, and the text recommends that male readers should choose wives over young boys — not least because they last longer: a woman is desirable from maidenhood to middle age, whereas boys pass their prime as soon as their beard starts to grow.

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Bonus, eh? There are some who do realize the sacredness and the value of nature and sunlight. There must be many beautiful children who were conceived from unions which took place under natural conditions of nature and sunlight. Outdoor locations in wild areas are often flawed by vermin, ranging from ants and mosquitoes to rattlesnakes and officious cops. The consequences of carnal connection at such places are disastrous. They breed misfortunes.

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If children are begotten, they turn out bad and malicious. Intimacy should always take place on top of the bed rather than beneath the blankets, so that each can enjoy seeing the physical charms of the other. Exhibitionism is not a perversion as a prologue to the consummation of love. Ideally, intercourse should be performed in a dimly lighted room, certainly not in the dark.

Ovulation Fluttering In Stomach

In the unenlightened Britain of the Middle Ages, the Church was hard at work cementing the foundations for centuries of sexual double-standards and miserabilism. Lust was a tool of the serpent of Satan, which turned the natural and sinless act of marital baby-making into something damnably hellish. Enjoying marital sex rather than only putting up with it constituted a venial sin. Adultery or fornication, moreover, constituted a mortal sin. Celibacy was the safest recommended route to heaven.


So when the local peasants sought advice on the physical side of marriage, the clergy were less than encouraging. The banned list included everything from receiving oral sex and masturbation, to bestiality and simply enjoying a cuddle with your spouse on holy days. Each offence was accompanied by a prescribed punishment, which could have you fasting regularly, getting whipped or paying penance.

Lesbians got three years, while male gays got ten. Anyone who slept with their mother got the maximum — 15 years — and were only allowed to change their clothes on Sundays. Medieval doctors often took a different approach, however. They were heavily influenced by Galen, the first-century Classical doctor whose theories provided the backbone of European medical practice for centuries and whose cures, such as frequent bleeding, must have helped to kill millions.

They added that the best moral way that single people and widows could stay healthy was to masturbate. The Church naturally disagreed, saying masturbation could only be excused if it was unintentional. But how do you prove you were having a wet dream? As for sex guides, the contemporary De Secretis Mulierum has a strong claim to be one of the most deceitful, nasty and wicked ever published. The contents, however, reflect the vicious paranoia of its misogynistic authors.

It was written most probably in the thirteenth or early fourteenth century — possibly by Albertus Magnus, the theologian and scientist, or more likely by a disciple. Further, male sperm is hot because it is of the same nature as air and when it is received by the woman it warms her entire body, so women are strengthened by this heat. On the other hand, men who have sex frequently are weakened by this act because they become exceedingly dried out.

As a general rule it may be said to the healthy and robust, it were better for you not to exceed, in the frequency of your indulgences, the number of months in the year; and you cannot habitually exceed the number of weeks in the year without in some degree impairing your constitutional powers, shortening your lives and increasing your liability to disease and suffering — if indeed you do not thereby actually induce disease of the worst and most painful kind and at the same time transmit to your offspring an impaired constitution with strong and unhappy predispositions.

Put What Where?: Over 2,000 Years of Bizarre Sex Advice Put What Where?: Over 2,000 Years of Bizarre Sex Advice
Put What Where?: Over 2,000 Years of Bizarre Sex Advice Put What Where?: Over 2,000 Years of Bizarre Sex Advice
Put What Where?: Over 2,000 Years of Bizarre Sex Advice Put What Where?: Over 2,000 Years of Bizarre Sex Advice
Put What Where?: Over 2,000 Years of Bizarre Sex Advice Put What Where?: Over 2,000 Years of Bizarre Sex Advice
Put What Where?: Over 2,000 Years of Bizarre Sex Advice Put What Where?: Over 2,000 Years of Bizarre Sex Advice

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